Friday, July 29, 2011

Profile: Olivia Wilde

Yeah, that's right I watched the O.C., what of it? Well, at least for 2 seasons, anyway. After that it all went downhill. Which, considering the whole point is that it was a guilty-bottom-of the-barrel-pleasure in the first place means... Well it dropped somewhere, by Hashem.

Anyway, I'm usually firmly against co-programming our profiles to events, but coincidentally Ms. Wilde's new movie is coming out today, so there ya go. RottenTomatoes is showing a 43% as of Thursday, and since the number always drops on the Friday release day that is...not good. On the other hand, the preview seems to suggest something of a nude scene, which, if true would suggest reviews and my likelihood of ticket purchasing will show a negative correlation.

Seriously, who could have imagined a movie named "Cowboys vs. Aliens" being dumb? Oh wait...

Olivia was suggested by Chaim from NY and Dee from Canada.

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Profile: John von Neumann

Von Neumann was suggested by Leon from Israel, Sergei from Jersey City, Julius from the Philippines, and David from Hungary... Talk about an international following!

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Profile: Mose Solomon

Solomon's career average is a sparkling .375... in two games. His fielding did him in. If only they had the DH in the 20s...

(See, Yakov, I don't hate baseball. I'm indifferent towards it. But some stories are rather interesting, no?)

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Profile: Kathleen Turner

"Romancing the Stone" is great, but I gotta put "The Jewel of the Nile" near the top of the list of the most disappointing sequels of all time. After "Police Academy 2", of course.

Turner was suggested by Michael from Canada.

Monday, July 25, 2011

Profile: Haim Revivo

Revivo also played in Turkey, which presented a rather strange sight of a Jew wearing the crescent...

Saturday, July 23, 2011

Update: RIP Amy Winehouse

Amy Winehouse died today at the age of 27. Cause is of death is "unexplained".

Friday, July 22, 2011

Profile: Demi Moore

Oh, Kabbalah, the gift that keeps on giving...

Demi was requested by Miriam from Burbank and Yogi from Australia.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Profile: Death

Profile 1111. Now that's a quality number!

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Profile: Martin Kove

So let's see, in the Karate Kid franchise, we have John Kreese and Mike Barnes... Sigh.

Kove was suggested by returning suggesters Adam from Indiana and Jason from Vancouver.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Profile: Jason Isaacs

According to Isaacs, he is a "Jewish man who does almost nothing Jewish in his life"...

Isaacs was suggested by Ruth from Israel, Michelle from Illinois, Chloe from New Jersey, Noga from Israel, and Linda from New Jersey.

Monday, July 18, 2011

Profile: Seymore Butts

Oh porn profiles... We have more than we know what to do with really. After a while there's just not much left to say. They're Jewish, they're in porn, ummm, yeah. Fortunately Seymore had a little twist on the usual story, otherwise he'd be sitting in the queue with the rest of his ilk...

Butts was suggested by Ajit from Canada.

Friday, July 15, 2011

Profile: Justin Bieber

Alas, this had to be done.

Bieber was suggested by and Ezra from Jerusalem, Mike from Canada, Lou from Tampa, Steve from New York, Johnny from New Jersey, Adam from New Jersey, Moishe from La Jolla. Seriously, all these people care enough about Justin Bieber? Sheesh.

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Profile: Ray Mala

Eskimo! Heather Duke underlined a lot of things in this copy of Moby Dick, but I believe the word Eskimo underlined all by itself, is the key to understanding Heather's pain. On the surface, Heather Duke was the vivacious young lady we all knew her to be, but her soul was in Antarctica! Freezing with the knowledge of the way fellow teenagers can be cruel, the way that parents can be unresponsive. And as she writes so eloquently in her suicide note, the way that life can suck! We'll all miss Sherwood's little Eskimo. Let's just hope she's rubbing noses with Jesus!

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Jews in the News: RIP Sherwood Schwartz

Sherwood Schwartz, the legendary TV producer who created Gilligan's Island and The Brady Bunch, passed away yesterday. He was 94.

Profile: Isaak Babel

I am actually not a big fan of Babel, his style a bit rambling for my taste. That being said, a classic of modern literature.

Babel was suggested by Tal from Iowa City... Iowa City???!!!

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Profile: Seth Meyers

I couldn't find anyplace to put it in the profile, but I'll mention it here: Seth is also a big time comic book geek, even writing a Spider-Man comic for Marvel a few years back. You might wonder how such a thing could possibly help someone's K score, but believe you this: it really, actually does...

Meyers was suggested by... a lot of people. Wow. George from Maryland, Moishe from La Jolla, Charlie from NYC, Ilaan from Toronto, Vick from San Jose, Paige from Pittsburgh, Rozzie from Oakland, Avi from Chicago, Margaret from Arizona, Jedediah from London, ON, and Christine from West Orange, NJ.

Monday, July 11, 2011

Profile: Irvin Kershner

Kershner was a well-established director by the time Empire came along (in fact, that's why Lucas chose him), but of course, people only really remember him for Star Wars.

We figured the least we could do is propagate that myth with a Star Wars-y profile that will, in all likelihood, only serve to enrage Star Wars fans. So, ummm, yeah, what was the goal of this again?

Friday, July 8, 2011

Profile: Golbins (Warcraft)

Joel from Cambridge, MA writes: "Could you please dispel this one for me? The goblin character in World of Warcraft is animated with a bald head and giant nose. In the game the goblins are the ones who deal in trade and money and they even speak with thick Brooklyn accents so everybody assumes the game designers made them Jewish."

We hope the profile settles it?

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Profile: Marcel Duchamp

Duchmap as a woman:

I'll refrain from further comment.

Duchamp was suggested by first-time suggester Rose from Pennsylvania. Thanks, Rose! Much appreciated.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Profile: Norman Mailer

The 100th profile was a huge thing. The 1000th, even huger. 1100th? Somehow, the numbers have started to lose meaning...

Mailer was suggested by Jacobo from Madrid, Jesse from Vancouver, Loren from Las Vegas, and Jason from Vancouver.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Profile: Johan Neeskens

Neeskens was suggested by Ariel from Australia, Errol from South Africa, and Felix from Jersey. Big thanks to Dave from Austin for confirming that Neeskens is not Jewish.

Monday, July 4, 2011

Profile: Lars von Trier

Happy Fourth of July American JONJ readers! Happy, ummm, Monday everyone else!

I have not seen any of von Trier's films, but since when has a lack of knowledge of someone's work stopped us from judging them, huh? Anyway, I'm 75% sure he was joking with the Nazi stuff, but I still have zero interest in diving into the von Trier oeuvre. Maybe if he really does make that Kirsten Dunst porn film....

Von Trier was suggested by Nina from Toronto, Francis from Montreal, and Even from Norway.

Friday, July 1, 2011

Profile: Bob Nystrom

Bob's son, Eric, is currently playing for the Minnesota Wild, making him one of NHL's few Jews...

Thanks to returning suggester Slava from Baltimore for the suggestion.

Top 10 Profiles: June

1. Kate Middleton (0)
2. Ben Affleck (0)
3. Jesus Christ (0)
4. Mel Gibson (+1)
5. Daniel Craig (+141)
6. Adolf Hitler (-2)
7. Scarlett Johansson (0)
8. Steve Jobs (+18)
9. Mel Brooks (-3)
10. Sean Penn (+2)