Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Profile: Barney Frank

Barney Frank is the first current member of the House of Representatives we've profiled. Wikipedia has the full list. You will note that there are 30+ Democrats, and only two Republicans... and one those two is Episcopalian.

Multiple-time suggester Moishe from La Jolla comes through again.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Profile: Andres Cantor

For those who don't know, Cantor is the soccer announcer who screams "GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLL!"... hence the profile.

When Isaac from Los Angeles suggested we profile Cantor, we thought... Oh wow, this is an easy one to write. Au contraire; we went back-and-forth on the number of Es and Ws... and !s of course.

Monday, September 28, 2009

Profile: Wyatt Earp

Immediate inductee into the JONJ Hall of Fame of Facial Hair.

Thanks to Aaron from Asheville for the suggestion.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Profile: Ben Zobrist

Gosh, JONJ, how did you figure out that Ben Zobrist isn't Jewish?

Well, let's see...he attended a Baptist university, married a Christian singer, worked as a counselor at a Christian camp, uses a Christian rap song as his walk-up music and organizes bible studies with his teammates.

With information like that out there, it boggles the mind how anybody anywhere ever thought Ben Zobrist might be Jewish. But clearly some people do....

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Profile: Philip Roth

Philip Roth was first mentioned on JONJ in the... Christina Aguilera profile, of all places. It's about time he got a profile of his own.

Thanks to Sebastian from Germany and Mara from Kansas for the nudging us on.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Profile: Vin Diesel

Yes, yes, we know that the whole "no tattoos, no wacky piercings" thing is in the bible and all (or the Talmud? Heck if we know, really), but doesn't it just stink of paper-thin-Jewish-mother excuse?

"You won't be able to be buried in a Jewish cemetery" has given Jewish children pause for millennia. But like other overprotective parental sayings like, "you'll put your eye out" and "if you make that face long enough it'll freeze that way" it really doesn't carry much weight if you really think about it.

Of course, since none of us here at JONJ central have any piercings nor tattoos, it appears that it still worked. At least on us anyway...

Oh, and for the record, Mr. Diesel was suggested by Jasper from Florida, Morty from Massachusetts, and Keith from California.

Monday, September 21, 2009

Barely Jews in the News: Julian Edelman

Our big thanks to the blog Kaplan's Korner, who contacted the New England Patriots about their rookie receiver, Julian Edelman:

Not, according to the Patriots’ media office, which reported that Julian, a first-year wide receiver out of Kent State “has Jewish ancestry but was raised as a Christian.”[1]

Edelman had a good game for the Patriots against the Jets in the place of injured Wes Welker, catching eight balls for 98 yards. But, since he's is "Barely a Jew", we'll emphasize the fact that the Patriots lost, 16:9.

January 4, 2010: Edelman is now profiled.

Profile: Jonathan Safran Foer

I adore "Everything Is Illuminated". "Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close" is pretty good too. And Foer's wife, Nicole Krauss, is the author of the wonderful "The History of Love". Sadly, Jonathan's next book is pro-vegetarianism non-fiction. Maybe I'll just re-read "Illuminated".

Friday, September 18, 2009

Profile: Judge Judy/Judge Wapner

Yes it's two — TWO! — two profiles in one! The profile is the same, the picture is different: who will you choose? Stern and sassy Judge Judy or kindly curmudgeon Wapner?

Collect them, race them, trade them — the power is in YOUR hands!

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Profile: Tamara and Irina Press

Here's a better picture of Tamara Press:

but, honestly, she's a shot putter. Exactly how much femininity do you expect in the first place?

I would really want to thank Harry from New York for the suggestion. Because of him, I spent a day trying to write about these fine, fine, fine looking women. Thanks, Harry!

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Profile: Stephen Fry

In England, Fry is known as one half of the Fry and Laurie comedy duo, with the other half being "Dr. House" Hugh Laurie. Not a Jew.

Thanks to reader William from Atlanta for the suggestion.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Profile: Drew Rosenhaus

Since we just profiled Jerry Maguire, his rival agent Bob Sugar, played by Jay Mohr (Not a Jew), is based on Rosenhaus.

And that's enough Jerry Maguire references for now. Seriously... what's next, a Renee Zellweger profile? Let's hope not!

Monday, September 14, 2009

Profile: Melanie Laurent

Since I already raved about "Basterds", not much more to say. Except that last year, Miss Laurent has directed... a... hmmm... "erotic film". Hmmm indeed.

Friday, September 11, 2009

Profile: Little Mac

This is a loooooooong profile, but I just couldn't find a way to shorten it. You really need to think about every character to reach the conclusion that we did.

Little Mac is an obscure character in a mostly obscure video game series, but when I think of him as Little Maccabee it just warms my heart so. Our first respectable video game Jew. I'm so proud....

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Profile: Jim Schwartz

Are you ready for some football?

No? Well...Are you ready because the football season starts today whether you're ready or not?

That'll have to do. Anyway, Coach Schwartz was suggested by Danny from Pennsylvania. Thanks Danny!

Oh, and so you know, Moishe at one time considered himself a Lions fan. This is because Moishe enjoys misery....

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Profile: Shaun Tomson

Yet another one in a long line of "Jews don't play this sport, unless they do" profiles. What's left? Polo?

Tomson was suggested by reader Daniel from Los Angeles.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Profile: Bernard Malamud

My first experience with Malamud came in 11th grade English class, when "The Natural" was part of our summer reading list. When time came to write an essay on it, for some reason, the evil teacher was CONVINCED that I didn't read the book but watched the movie instead. Which I didn't! I had to spend half an hour after school trying to prove that yes, I actually read the book.

Now, "The Scarlet Letter", on the other hand...

Monday, September 7, 2009

Profile: Jerry Maguire

We get a lot of requests to profile Tom Cruise... But he is so NOT Jewish, how can anyone think otherwise? So this is as close as we'll get.

I know, I know, I said that before. For NOW, this is as close as we'll get.

Friday, September 4, 2009

JONJ Recommends: Inglourious Basterds

When "Pulp Fiction" came out, Quentin Tarantino (Not a Jew) was derided in some circles for celebrating violence. However, most of that violence took place off-screen; this is not the case in "Basterds". In fact, some of it so up close and graphic that it made my usually-desensitized eyes squirm. That being said...

It's a great, great movie. Emphasis on MOVIE. Yes, it's violent, and not historically accurate, and self-serving (oh, is it self-serving, especially the last line), but it's a great, great, great MOVIE. I loved it from the opening shot to that last line... even when my eyes were squirming.

And the Jews... Oh, the Jews. We can easily get half a dozen JONJ profiles out of it (of course, B.J. Novak is already in the books). You'll probably see at least one "Basterds"-related profile in the near future.

And seriously, the Jews. It's a movie about Jews killing Nazis. How can you go wrong with that?

JONJ Rating: 5 / 5.

Profile: Seven Dwarfs

According to the Disney folk, it is spelled Dwarfs, not Dwarves. This really bothers me, but I'm certainly not going to get into a spelling argument with the all-powerful Mouse (especially now that they've got Wolverine on their side).

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Profile: Robert Moses

Those readers who are too young to remember (or old enough to have forgotten) what New York City was like before the mid-90's rebirth need only to go rent "Escape from New York" (or listen to Billy Joel's "Miami 2017," for that matter) and realize that this result was considered fairly inevitable at the time.

While it would be unfair to give Robert Moses full credit for what befell Manhattan (other cities suffered similar violence and economic depression in the late 70s and early 80s), it's also naive to simply ignore his significant contribution to that sad state of affairs. The NYC that stands today--unrecognizable to the 1970s visionary in that it is still standing--exists despite Moses' contributions, not because of them.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Profile: Hedy Lamarr

Our first Actress/Scientist cross-over. Still waiting for that elusive Artist/Comedian...

Thanks to Scott from Minnesota for the suggestion.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Profile: Alexander Pushkin

Russians do love those Jewish rumors, but they would never make one up about their greatest author. He's off limits. So they were probably pretty pissed when the Israelis suggested that Pushkin was Jewish earlier this year.

Top 10 Profiles: August

1. Mel Gibson (+1)
2. Adolf Hitler (-1)
3. Sage Rosenfels (+72)
4. Daniel Craig (0)
5. Sandra Bullock (-2)
6. Ben Roethlisberger (0)
7. Ringo Starr (+1)
8. Kevin Bacon (+9)
9. Scarlett Johannson (+10)
10. Harrison Ford (+7)