Just for the record

The "Jewish Hoagie" at Old Nelson Food Co in Center City, Philadelphia.

Verdict: Sadly, Not a Jew. I 2, O 4, K 3

Y'know, in case you were wondering...

JONJ Recommends... maybe?: The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

So I heard all the hoopla surrounding "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo", and its two sequels, "The Girl who Played with Fire", and "The Girl who Kicked the Hornet's Nest". For those not familiar, the books were written by Swedish journalist Stieg Larsson. He never wrote a novel before, and dropped dead before they were published. They immediately became a huge success, a #1 seller in Sweden and throughout Europe, and made their way across the pond. Movies are already out in Sweden, and are due to be remade in Hollywood soon. It's a blockbuster series from a previously unknown author. So I had to check it out.

And... well... how do I put it. Yakov and I always have plot-versus-style arguments. I usually take the plot side. Give me a good plot, and I will cut the author slack if his writing style is subpar. With these books...

Now, I realize what I'm reading is translation. But the translation tries to stay true to the author's style. And...

Well, Larsson is not exactly a novelist. He is a journalist, which comes out page after page. I don't care what color the characters' clothes are. I don't need to read a detailed account of what they had for breakfast. And on the next page, what they had for lunch. I don't need to have the characters' first name AND last names listed EVERY time they are mentioned. I don't need for the characters' occupations repeated ad nauseam. Yes, I know Malin Eriksson is the magazine's secretary! I get it!

Moreover, Larsson gives each character a detailed backstory. I understand why he does it, but it's so often unnecessary. For example, detective Jan Bublanski is (AHA!) Jewish. Why is he Jewish? It factors in no way, shape, or form, except for the one incident when he meets another character in a synagogue (which could have been a church, a supermarket, or a train station, as far as the plot is concerned). So why waste pages with his backstory?

But yes, I read all of the books. "Dragon Tattoo" is the best -- by far -- and I would actually recommend it, especially if you want to see what all the hoopla is about. The scenes when the protagonist is spending the winter on an island are actually very well written (you can almost feel the cold), and the mystery he is solving is very intriguing.

But it gets worse from there. "Played with Fire" bored me. "Hornet's Nest" is a bit better than "Fire" but nowhere close to "Tattoo".

Larsson was planning to write seven books before his untimely death. But... well, three is enough for me.

JONJ Does Not Recommend: The Lost Symbol

I'm stupid. I read "The Lost Symbol". I don't know why... Yakov and I co-wrote the this earlier this year, talking about our joint disdain for Dan Brown's books, yet I read "The Lost Symbol". Why?

Not only is it a carbon copy of the previous two novels, it's a washed-out carbon copy. Rome and Paris are replaced by a much less interesting Washington DC. Pages upon pages are wasted on circular dialogue, as Brown beats a point to death, then revives it only to beat it again. The major mystery is obvious from the moment a character is introduced (I won't spoil it for those dumb enough to attempt to read this dreck), but for 400 pages I was screaming "____ is ____, dumbasses! How stupid do you have to be!" And Robert Langdon, who -- I'll admit it -- makes the first two books somewhat interesting by solving their various mysteries, here struts along, deciphering one stupid pyramid throughout the entire novel, and then gets the final answer delivered to him (and you, idiot reader) on a platter. Meh.

Honestly, I don't see how Brown got 500+ pages out of this story. It's about three times as long as it should have been. Maybe that's his real talent.

JONJ Rating: 1 / 5.

JONJ Recommends: Inglourious Basterds

When "Pulp Fiction" came out, Quentin Tarantino (Not a Jew) was derided in some circles for celebrating violence. However, most of that violence took place off-screen; this is not the case in "Basterds". In fact, some of it so up close and graphic that it made my usually-desensitized eyes squirm. That being said...

It's a great, great movie. Emphasis on MOVIE. Yes, it's violent, and not historically accurate, and self-serving (oh, is it self-serving, especially the last line), but it's a great, great, great MOVIE. I loved it from the opening shot to that last line... even when my eyes were squirming.

And the Jews... Oh, the Jews. We can easily get half a dozen JONJ profiles out of it (of course, B.J. Novak is already in the books). You'll probably see at least one "Basterds"-related profile in the near future.

And seriously, the Jews. It's a movie about Jews killing Nazis. How can you go wrong with that?

JONJ Rating: 5 / 5.

JONJ Recommends: Whatever Works

I love Woody Allen. Some might say that his work has declined recently, but his recent string of films ("Scoop", "Match Point", "Cassandra's Dream", "Vicky Cristina Barcelona") have all been excellent. It looks like he has recovered from the lull earlier this decade.

I love Larry David. "Curb Your Enthusiasm" is the reason I subscribe to HBO. And I own the DVD of every season. And the wife rolls her eyes when I say "pretty pretty good" in the David voice.

So, I've been pretty excited about this movie ever I found out it was being made. (Usually, that leads to a letdown. The despicable "The Count of Monte Cristo" starring Jim Caviezel is the prime example.)

Not here. David is hilarious as a genius curmudgeon who makes a new friend in Evan Rachel Wood. (The JEWISH Evan Rachel Wood, who'll probably get her own JONJ profile sooner rather than later.) And Allen's writing is still pretty damn sharp. Critics might point out (spoiler alert!) the yet another May-December romance that is a constant presence in Allen's films (and life), but that's just Woody being Woody.

Woody Allen, Larry David, New York. It works.

JONJ Rating: 4½ / 5.

JONJ Recommends: Jewish, Lesbian Batwoman

Happy Comic Book Day everyone!

As promised in a previous post, we picked up the new Detective Comics (#854, cover shown above) featuring Batwoman last week and...y'know what? It's pretty darn good.

Rucka's writing is crisp and his treatment of the character is well-rounded. The token "check it out, she's a lesbian!" stuff is actually handled fairly deftly and like (*gasp*) a real relationship and not just something played for shock value or laughs. It's an enjoyable read and Rucka makes Batwoman feel like an interesting character.

But the art is where the book really shines. J.H. Williams draws quite the dramatic layout that uses the panels to convey action, not just carry it. Batwoman is striking,the settings are complex, and the whole thing never misses a beat.

Of course, I'm not a comics reviewer by trade, so if you're looking for more coherent criticism you can try here and here.

It's not perfect (our Jewish heroine has tattoos!?), but it's worth your time/money, even if you only have the slightest inclination.

JONJ Rating: 4 / 5.

JONJ Does Not Recommend: Outsourcing

JONJ Recommends: Adventureland

Had the chance to catch Adventureland over the weekend and enjoyed it quite a bit, actually. If you go in expecting Superbad you'll be disappointed--Dazed and Confused is a closer correlation-- but overall it's a fun film that makes you wish you were young again and at the same time makes you really happy you're not.

More important is this celluloid confection's surprisingly Jew-y filling. Both the best friend (Joel, played by Martin Starr) and the love interest (Em Lewin, played by Kristen Stewart) are Jews and quite likable characters at that. The Lewin character, in particular, is a pleasant revelation because her Judaism isn't played for laughs or even really for plot. The character is simply Jewish because, well, that's who the character is.

A sweet surprise in what turned out to be a fairly sweet movie.

JONJ Rating: 4 / 5.

JONJ Recommends: Coraline

We're really big Neil Gaiman fans here at JONJ. American Gods and Stardust are terrific. And Yakov will vouch for The Sandman.

I read Coraline last year, and loved it. A modern-day Alice in Wonderland... and I love Alice, so much so that I spent weeks trying to find a Jewish link in it, failed, and went and profiled Humpty-Dumpty anyway. (Wait, what's with all these "love"s? That doesn't sound like me at all.)

Well, the movie is as good. There are some changes to the book... the story is moved from England to Oregon, and Coraline now has a friend, Wybie, but these changes are minor and do not do anything to harm the movie (as opposed to... well, we'll deal with it in JONJ Does Not Recommend later).

So, what else can we say? The story is great, the animation is good, it's scary, and wonderful, and there are dancing mice... Go see it if you have the chance.

JONJ Rating: 4½ / 5.

JONJ Does Not Recommend: Be Kind Rewind

We've been talking about ways to expand the blog beyond our usual Jew-y talk, so here's a new feature: JONJ Recommends... or, in this case, JONJ Does Not Recommend. Here, we'll discuss various topics (movies, books, whatever) which... well, you guessed it, we recommend... or do not recommend. And we'll try to tie it back to JONJ somehow... This is JONJ Unplugged after all.



The premise seems terrific: two friends run a video store, all the tapes get erased, and they re-enact the movies themselves. The director, Michel Gondry (Not a Jew) gave us the terrific Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. So, when the DVD was discovered on a Blockbuster shelf, it seemed like a worthy rental. Especially since I had a free rental coupon.

BIG mistake.

Oh sure, the movie re-enactments have their share of funny moments. The problem is... those re-enactments take all of 5 minutes of a 2-hour film. (It might have been less than two hours. I lost track. It was THAT putrid.)

What makes up the other 1:55? Something about urban revival and dead jazz musicians. Mos Def (Not a Jew) "acting" by talking to his shoes. A horribly, horribly miscast Mia Farrow (Not a Jew). Honestly, when the best thing about a movie is a half-interested Jack Black, that says A LOT.

I tried to stay with it. I couldn't. Perhaps at the end there is some kind of a payoff... But I will never know.

Be Kind Rewind? How about Be Kind Eject.

JONJ Rating: ½ / 5.