Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Profile: Paul Reuter

Kudos to Yakov for avoiding the subject of facial hair.

Suggestion by Daniel from NYC.


  1. Important question: is that a beard or a mustache? I'm voting mustache because of the lack of chin involvement. I guess we'll have to wait for the inevitable to get a definitive answer...

  2. These are clearly sideburns, as you can see from the picture of the man they are named for, Ambrose Burnside.

  3. But at what point do sideburns become beard? Is there a cheek demarcation line? And what about the lip hair? So we're saying he has sideburns AND a mustache? Seems like there ought to be just one word for that configuration. Unless you're arguing that the mustache is PART of the sideburns (i.e., he grew his sideburns so long they covered his upper lip)?! Or at that point isn't that just beard?

    The mind boggles....

  4. Any beard must provide chin coverage, that is pretty clear. There are many different styles, of course, from your chin curtain to your Van Dyke, but all of them have on thing in common - chin growth. It's an absolute must, yes sirree. When your chin is shaven, you are in sideburns territory, also with varying styles.

    What you see here is your "friendly muttonchop", overgrown to form "sidewhiskers." Now a muttonchop, you see, is your sideburn that widens as it gets closer to the chin. Resembling the cut of meat, as it where.

    Your basic muttonchop becomes a "friendly" one when it's connected to your handlebar or walrus mustaches. Without the mustache, it's just your plain old muttonchop.

    Sidewhiskers, though, may or may not be connected with mustaches. You can think of them as your muttonchops on steroids. What separates your sidewhisker from your muttonchop is the length, see. Once you venture way below the jawline, you got your sidewhiskers and no mistake.

    Beardology is a valid science, you know. Now, knowing your basic goatee from your Victor Emanuel II is where your get into advanced learnin', my friend.

  5. See, when I went to college Beardology (and it's sister study Mustachosophy) were only electives. So I chose Pastramogy, the study of salted cured meats, instead. Only now do I realizes the error of my ways...

  6. Mustachosophy has surely gone into decline after the toothbrush style was rendered permanently obsolete circa 1945. Many fine mustachosophists hit the bottle pretty hard or escaped the binds of sanity altogether, binge-watching old Chaplin movies and having a variety of tweezers-related accidents. Tis a painful subject...

    But beardology still goes on strong. It's a popular major on campus, with Che Guevara t-shirts and San Francisco Giants caps among the distinguishing characteristic of the scholars.

    Pastramogy, of course, is an honorable endeavor as well. Many noted beardologists have dabbled, with interesting and delicious results.

  7. Well I also attended school during the Great Goatee Crisis of the mid-90s. Tough time for the beard enthusiast...

  8. ... of course, these particular long sidewhiskers connected by a mustache are also sometimes called a "hulihee."

    It's a relatively new term, which comes from a Hawaiian word meaning "turn and flee."

  9. Long may you run, Yakov, but when the time comes for you to hang up the JONJ reins, Mr. Anonymous here seems a strong Hair Apparent.