Thursday, January 15, 2009

Profile: Winnie-the-Pooh

Having not read the above text, I can only guess at the twists and turns contained within its covers.

I imagine it begins with Pooh finding a blood-stained dreidel in front of his home. Perturbed, he, Piglet, and Eeyore track the trail of blood and discover the body of a murdered rabbi, smothered in honey, near a river in the Hundred-Acre Wood. Pooh, correctly surmising that someone is trying to frame him, starts interviewing likely suspects. Owl is in prison for grand theft auto and Kanga is too whacked out on heroin to help him, but Roo seems to know more than he/she is letting on. After leaving Piglet to work Roo over, Pooh meets with a mysteriously somber Tigger who tells him that "something awful went down" and "the whole system is corrupt." After a series of red herrings, questionable alibis and a rousing chase scene involving a balloon and a pack of bees, Pooh discovers that the rabbi's grisly murder was just one of a series of despicable hate crimes by Christopher Robin, ably covered for by his patsy (and secret lover) Rabbit. Of course, in the end, Christopher Robin gets away with it by murdering the only witness and Pooh is left with nothing but to return to his home, snort honey, and wonder what's to come of this crazy, unjust world.

On the other hand, the book may just be about the Pooh gang celebrating Chanukah. But I find that less likely since none of them are Jewish.


  1. I think today's profile is pretty damn good, but this blog post is even better...

    Also, isn't "the Hanukkah Dreidel" a tad redundant?

  2. This is the best blog post ever! The latter is more likely, but the former is just too good.