Profile: Jamie Lee Curtis

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=616

Yes, Jamie's father Tony Curtis definitely deserves a profile. G-d knows when we'll get to him, however. Too... many... Jews.

Profile: Duff Goldman

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=614

Yes, indeed, today is JONJ's 3rd birthday! Happy Birthday JONJ!

At this rate, JONJ will be bar mitzvah in 2019 with over 2600 profiles. That's...man, we love this site. Love writing it, love posting it, love the response it gets (yes, even the haters). But if we hit profile #2600....let's just say someone else will be doing the writing chores by then.

Seriously, that's a lot of Jews....

Jews in the News: DJ AM dies

DJ AM, real name Adam Goldstein, dater of Nicole Richie and Mandy Moore (she likes good Jewish boys, remember?), dropped dead yesterday at the age of 36. A drug overdose is suspected.

A year ago, he survived a plane crash and then told People magazine, "I have a great deal of faith that everything happens for a reason. I put myself in God's hands."

Hmmmm. Well, God had works in strange and mysterious ways sometimes...

Special weekend profile!

We're on a Monday-to-Friday schedule, but this week only, there will be a special SUNDAY profile. Why? Stay tuned...

Profile: Stephen Jay Gould

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=613

There's the old quote that eventually, each of us will get our 15 minutes of fame. Apparently, (and Stephen Jay Gould is proof of this) each of us will be receiving our 15 minutes as a guest shot on the Simpsons. Who knew? (I can't wait to be Comic Book Guy's long lost brother!)

Stephen Jay Gould was suggested by....me, actually. Why I thought anyone would care is a mystery for the ages.....

Profile: Mickey Goldmill

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=612

Seriously, Rocky IV. I love the Mercedes in Siberia; Russians driving troikas in the snow (what is this, 1890?); and leather seats in the horse carriage... Seriously... What the hell were these people thinking?

And the talking robot. Let's not forget the talking robot.

But of course, by IV, poor Mickey is dead.

Profile: Nikki Reed

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=611

I recently spent five weeks at a new job, before changing jobs again... This "profile" is the best thing to come out of those five weeks. BY FAR.

Profile: Timon

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=610

Sometimes this happens. I sit down to write a nice, friendly profile, get about halfway through it, think about what I'm actually saying, get angry, and then rip the whole subject to shreds. You can pretty much see the progression here, "Timon's a nice fellow...la la la....Disney needs Jews...What the hell...Timon's a ****ing loser and I hope he dies." Well, maybe not that bad.

Anyway, this little excursion into my addiction to rage-ohol was brought to you by suggester Danni from Perth and by the letter A and the number 5.

Profile: Andy Kaufman

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=609

Moishe and I spent a lot of time on this profile—probably more than was necessary—but we think the end result was really worth the effort and we think you will, too. Of all the profiles we've done, honestly, this is one of the ones I'm most proud of.

UPDATE: Some people have reported they are having trouble loading the profile. We went in and fixed the problem as of 8:05 this morning and it is now working normally. Thanks for your patience!

Profile: Neve Campbell

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=607

This profile was written for a reason... other than, you know, to profile Neve Campbell. We really do get the "why don't you always mark people as Jewish if their mother is Jewish"? The answer is in the link above...

Profile: Pauly Shore

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=608

In the Rob Schneider profile, written two and a half years ago, I wrote, "and so far we've been wise enough to stay away from Pauly Shore".

We tried, dear readers. We tried.

Profile: Leonard Bernstein

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=605

We said it before, but the toughest profiles to write are for people who are so obviously Jewish. Leonard Bernstein. He is great. He is Jewish. What more can we say?

Bernstein was suggested by reader Janice from New York.

Update: Robert Novak is dead

Robert Novak bites the dust. What's the saying, if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all...

Other JONJ profilees to die after being profiled: Marcel Marceau, Paul Newman, and Bobby Fischer.

Profile: Les Paul

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=606

We've joked before about getting into knock-down, drag-out fights over profiles before. Well it's all fun and games until a real argument breaks out and this one really was hardcore. I was on the "Jew" side, for the record, and Moishe and I were back and forth all freakin' weekend in virtual screaming matches over the e-mails with links and counterlinks until I found myself interrupting real conversations to fire off another missive on the possibility of Paul's Judaism.

Which, of course, turned out to be for naught. So yes we really did all this research (OK, Moishe did it, I'm a slack ass) and I'm proven wrong (once again) and he's proven right (once again) and if it sounds to you like we're an old married couple then you're right because essentially we are.

Married by a love of finding and writing about Jews. Is it crazy that we went through all this for one random profile? Maybe, but not nearly as crazy as how much we enjoyed doing it.

Paul was suggested by readers Antonio from California and Harry from Parts Unknown.

Profile: Saint Joseph

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=604

Had a big problem of how to title this one. Joseph, father of Jesus? Joseph of Nazareth? Joseph the Carpenter?

In any case, Joseph was suggested by Yakov's friend Danielle... a year and a half ago.

Profile: Jimmy Fallon

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=602

Speaking of things real and, um, less so from a couple of days ago, we've done our fair share of fabricated letters in the past, as well.

However, we can assure you that Jeremy from New York really did send us this letter last week and we thank him wholeheartedly for being such a good sport.

Profile: Garry Shandling

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=603

This is how JONJ often works: I watch a re-run of "The Larry Sanders Show". I laugh. I think to myself, "Garry Shandling is Jewish. We should profile him." I try to think of anything interesting to say. I can't think of anything. I ask Yakov whether Shandling would make a good profile. He says, sure. He can't think of anything interesting either. I file Shandling away. For months. I spend these months humming the theme to the "It's Garry Shandling's Show": This is the theme to Garry's show, the opening theme to Garry's show, Garry called me up and asked if I could write his theme song... Everyone around me is annoyed. At some point, I realize that the only way I can stop humming is to write the profile... and a profile is born.

Fascinating, I know.

Shandling took a little hit in the scores because he is now a Jewish Buddhist. Whatever that means.

Profile: Stephen Sondheim

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=601

Thanks to Linda from Chicago for suggesting today's profile. It would definitely not be possible without her.

Profile: Jackie Mason

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=600

Hooray! 600 profiles!

Mason was suggested by Mitch from Toronto, Scott from Hollywood, and multiple-time suggester Moishe from La Jolla.

Profile: Anton Yelchin

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=599

The story that Gene Roddenberry would have you believe (and the one we propagate with this profile) is that he added Walter Koenig as Checkhov in Season 2 of Star Trek to satisfy the cries of Russians everywhere that they, the pioneers of space, ought to be included in the crew. It's not true.

Koenig was added to try to bring in young female viewers with someone who looked like (frightening to comprehend now) teen idol Davy Jones of the Monkees. This is confirmed by William Shatner in his book. Did it work? Considering the show was cancelled after Season 3, we're gonna say no.

That leaves us with only one question: What teen idol does Anton Yelchin look like? Glancing at the picture above we're going to have to say....none.

Oh well.

Anyway, Yelchin was suggested by Olivia from Winnipeg. Thanks Olivia!

Schedule change, again!

Good news, JONJ fans! We're back on a 5-profile-a-week schedule, with the simple posting rate of each weekday morning. So every time you come to work, there'll be a fresh new JONJ profile! (Unless you're in Europe, then you have to wait until the afternoon... Or in Asia... Do we have any fans in Asia?)

Of course, you can also subscribe to the JONJ RSS Feed to always be alerted immediately.

Profile: Craig Newmark

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=598

JEWISH HUMOR WEB SITE - $50 OBO
-----------------------------------------------
Date: 2009-08-08
Reply to: www.jewornotjew.com
-----------------------------------------------

Site contains over 600 profiles! You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll plotz! And it can all be yours!

We will NOT deliver. You must pick up. Will require 2-3 strong people to carry it out.

Thank you for your interest!

• Location: Lower East Side
• It is NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
• It IS ok to contact this poster with corned beef/pastrami sandwiches, so long as they come with a pickle and/or potato knish

Profile: Curious George

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=597

For those of you who are curious about George's amazing adventure as described above, check out this. There's something so satisfying in knowing that the nazis were beaten by a fictional monkey (well, his creators, but still)...

Thanks to multiple-time suggester and one-time profiler Pamela from North Carolina.

Profile: Gene Siskel

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=593

One of the best episodes of "The Critic" involves Siskel and Ebert breaking up and fighting for the partnership of Jay Sherman...

Profile: Harry Truman

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=595

If it's not obvious, the crux of this is that Stalin thought Truman was Jewish. No, really. He supposedly did. But Stalin was also a paranoid lunatic, so there you go.

Thanks to Simon from Toronto for the suggestion.

Profile: Steve Wynn

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=596

The poker monster has only demanded two trips to Las Vegas thus far (it has me in AC right freakin' NOW though, so it's all good). Meanwhile, I've yet to stay at the Wynn. Unfortunately, this means I can't review the hotel for those parties who may be interested in visiting. But, for the record, Mandalay Bay and Bellagio are nice enough.

As a side note, with casinos themed Italian, Roman, Egyptian, Parisian, New Yorken, etc. why not design a Jewish one? I mean, besides the obvious negative stereotypes that already exist with the correlation of Jews and money, name one good reason!

OK, so it's probably never gonna happen, but we can dream....

Top 10 Profiles: July

1. Adolf Hitler (+1)
2. Mel Gibson (+2)
3. Sandra Bullock (+4)
4. Daniel Craig (-1)
5. Mahmoud Ahmadinejad (+1)
6. Ben Roethlisberger (+116)
7. Michael Jackson (NEW)
8. Ringo Starr (+9)
9. Charlie Chaplin (+11)
10. Elijah Wood (NEW)