Monday, August 31, 2009

Profile: Jamie Lee Curtis

Yes, Jamie's father Tony Curtis definitely deserves a profile. G-d knows when we'll get to him, however. Too... many... Jews.

Sunday, August 30, 2009

Profile: Duff Goldman

Yes, indeed, today is JONJ's 3rd birthday! Happy Birthday JONJ!

At this rate, JONJ will be bar mitzvah in 2019 with over 2600 profiles. That', we love this site. Love writing it, love posting it, love the response it gets (yes, even the haters). But if we hit profile #2600....let's just say someone else will be doing the writing chores by then.

Seriously, that's a lot of Jews....

Saturday, August 29, 2009

Jews in the News: DJ AM dies

DJ AM, real name Adam Goldstein, dater of Nicole Richie and Mandy Moore (she likes good Jewish boys, remember?), dropped dead yesterday at the age of 36. A drug overdose is suspected.

A year ago, he survived a plane crash and then told People magazine, "I have a great deal of faith that everything happens for a reason. I put myself in God's hands."

Hmmmm. Well, God had works in strange and mysterious ways sometimes...

Friday, August 28, 2009

Special weekend profile!

We're on a Monday-to-Friday schedule, but this week only, there will be a special SUNDAY profile. Why? Stay tuned...

Profile: Stephen Jay Gould

There's the old quote that eventually, each of us will get our 15 minutes of fame. Apparently, (and Stephen Jay Gould is proof of this) each of us will be receiving our 15 minutes as a guest shot on the Simpsons. Who knew? (I can't wait to be Comic Book Guy's long lost brother!)

Stephen Jay Gould was suggested, actually. Why I thought anyone would care is a mystery for the ages.....

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Profile: Mickey Goldmill

Seriously, Rocky IV. I love the Mercedes in Siberia; Russians driving troikas in the snow (what is this, 1890?); and leather seats in the horse carriage... Seriously... What the hell were these people thinking?

And the talking robot. Let's not forget the talking robot.

But of course, by IV, poor Mickey is dead.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Profile: Nikki Reed

I recently spent five weeks at a new job, before changing jobs again... This "profile" is the best thing to come out of those five weeks. BY FAR.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Profile: Timon

Sometimes this happens. I sit down to write a nice, friendly profile, get about halfway through it, think about what I'm actually saying, get angry, and then rip the whole subject to shreds. You can pretty much see the progression here, "Timon's a nice la la....Disney needs Jews...What the hell...Timon's a ****ing loser and I hope he dies." Well, maybe not that bad.

Anyway, this little excursion into my addiction to rage-ohol was brought to you by suggester Danni from Perth and by the letter A and the number 5.

Monday, August 24, 2009

Profile: Andy Kaufman

Moishe and I spent a lot of time on this profile—probably more than was necessary—but we think the end result was really worth the effort and we think you will, too. Of all the profiles we've done, honestly, this is one of the ones I'm most proud of.

UPDATE: Some people have reported they are having trouble loading the profile. We went in and fixed the problem as of 8:05 this morning and it is now working normally. Thanks for your patience!

Friday, August 21, 2009

Profile: Neve Campbell

This profile was written for a reason... other than, you know, to profile Neve Campbell. We really do get the "why don't you always mark people as Jewish if their mother is Jewish"? The answer is in the link above...

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Profile: Pauly Shore

In the Rob Schneider profile, written two and a half years ago, I wrote, "and so far we've been wise enough to stay away from Pauly Shore".

We tried, dear readers. We tried.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Profile: Leonard Bernstein

We said it before, but the toughest profiles to write are for people who are so obviously Jewish. Leonard Bernstein. He is great. He is Jewish. What more can we say?

Bernstein was suggested by reader Janice from New York.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Update: Robert Novak is dead

Robert Novak bites the dust. What's the saying, if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all...

Other JONJ profilees to die after being profiled: Marcel Marceau, Paul Newman, and Bobby Fischer.

Profile: Les Paul

We've joked before about getting into knock-down, drag-out fights over profiles before. Well it's all fun and games until a real argument breaks out and this one really was hardcore. I was on the "Jew" side, for the record, and Moishe and I were back and forth all freakin' weekend in virtual screaming matches over the e-mails with links and counterlinks until I found myself interrupting real conversations to fire off another missive on the possibility of Paul's Judaism.

Which, of course, turned out to be for naught. So yes we really did all this research (OK, Moishe did it, I'm a slack ass) and I'm proven wrong (once again) and he's proven right (once again) and if it sounds to you like we're an old married couple then you're right because essentially we are.

Married by a love of finding and writing about Jews. Is it crazy that we went through all this for one random profile? Maybe, but not nearly as crazy as how much we enjoyed doing it.

Paul was suggested by readers Antonio from California and Harry from Parts Unknown.

Monday, August 17, 2009

Profile: Saint Joseph

Had a big problem of how to title this one. Joseph, father of Jesus? Joseph of Nazareth? Joseph the Carpenter?

In any case, Joseph was suggested by Yakov's friend Danielle... a year and a half ago.

Friday, August 14, 2009

Profile: Jimmy Fallon

Speaking of things real and, um, less so from a couple of days ago, we've done our fair share of fabricated letters in the past, as well.

However, we can assure you that Jeremy from New York really did send us this letter last week and we thank him wholeheartedly for being such a good sport.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Profile: Garry Shandling

This is how JONJ often works: I watch a re-run of "The Larry Sanders Show". I laugh. I think to myself, "Garry Shandling is Jewish. We should profile him." I try to think of anything interesting to say. I can't think of anything. I ask Yakov whether Shandling would make a good profile. He says, sure. He can't think of anything interesting either. I file Shandling away. For months. I spend these months humming the theme to the "It's Garry Shandling's Show": This is the theme to Garry's show, the opening theme to Garry's show, Garry called me up and asked if I could write his theme song... Everyone around me is annoyed. At some point, I realize that the only way I can stop humming is to write the profile... and a profile is born.

Fascinating, I know.

Shandling took a little hit in the scores because he is now a Jewish Buddhist. Whatever that means.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Profile: Stephen Sondheim

Thanks to Linda from Chicago for suggesting today's profile. It would definitely not be possible without her.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Profile: Jackie Mason

Hooray! 600 profiles!

Mason was suggested by Mitch from Toronto, Scott from Hollywood, and multiple-time suggester Moishe from La Jolla.

Monday, August 10, 2009

Profile: Anton Yelchin

The story that Gene Roddenberry would have you believe (and the one we propagate with this profile) is that he added Walter Koenig as Checkhov in Season 2 of Star Trek to satisfy the cries of Russians everywhere that they, the pioneers of space, ought to be included in the crew. It's not true.

Koenig was added to try to bring in young female viewers with someone who looked like (frightening to comprehend now) teen idol Davy Jones of the Monkees. This is confirmed by William Shatner in his book. Did it work? Considering the show was cancelled after Season 3, we're gonna say no.

That leaves us with only one question: What teen idol does Anton Yelchin look like? Glancing at the picture above we're going to have to say....none.

Oh well.

Anyway, Yelchin was suggested by Olivia from Winnipeg. Thanks Olivia!

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Schedule change, again!

Good news, JONJ fans! We're back on a 5-profile-a-week schedule, with the simple posting rate of each weekday morning. So every time you come to work, there'll be a fresh new JONJ profile! (Unless you're in Europe, then you have to wait until the afternoon... Or in Asia... Do we have any fans in Asia?)

Of course, you can also subscribe to the JONJ RSS Feed to always be alerted immediately.

Saturday, August 8, 2009

Profile: Craig Newmark

Date: 2009-08-08
Reply to:

Site contains over 600 profiles! You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll plotz! And it can all be yours!

We will NOT deliver. You must pick up. Will require 2-3 strong people to carry it out.

Thank you for your interest!

  • Location: Lower East Side
  • It is NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
  • It IS ok to contact this poster with corned beef/pastrami sandwiches, so long as they come with a pickle and/or potato knish

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Profile: Curious George

For those of you who are curious about George's amazing adventure as described above, check out this. There's something so satisfying in knowing that the nazis were beaten by a fictional monkey (well, his creators, but still)...

Thanks to multiple-time suggester and one-time profiler Pamela from North Carolina.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Profile: Gene Siskel

One of the best episodes of "The Critic" involves Siskel and Ebert breaking up and fighting for the partnership of Jay Sherman...

Monday, August 3, 2009

Profile: Harry Truman

If it's not obvious, the crux of this is that Stalin thought Truman was Jewish. No, really. He supposedly did. But Stalin was also a paranoid lunatic, so there you go.

Thanks to Simon from Toronto for the suggestion.

Saturday, August 1, 2009

Profile: Steve Wynn

The poker monster has only demanded two trips to Las Vegas thus far (it has me in AC right freakin' NOW though, so it's all good). Meanwhile, I've yet to stay at the Wynn. Unfortunately, this means I can't review the hotel for those parties who may be interested in visiting. But, for the record, Mandalay Bay and Bellagio are nice enough.

As a side note, with casinos themed Italian, Roman, Egyptian, Parisian, New Yorken, etc. why not design a Jewish one? I mean, besides the obvious negative stereotypes that already exist with the correlation of Jews and money, name one good reason!

OK, so it's probably never gonna happen, but we can dream....

Top 10 Profiles: July

1. Adolf Hitler (+1)
2. Mel Gibson (+2)
3. Sandra Bullock (+4)
4. Daniel Craig (-1)
5. Mahmoud Ahmadinejad (+1)
6. Ben Roethlisberger (+116)
7. Michael Jackson (NEW)
8. Ringo Starr (+9)
9. Charlie Chaplin (+11)
10. Elijah Wood (NEW)