Thursday, July 30, 2009

Profile: Lisa Turtle

Here's what gets me about "Saved by the Bell": in one episode, Zach and Lisa became a couple. The following episode, it's like it NEVER HAPPENED...

Come to think of it, the same happened to Zach and Jessie. Ridiculous.

Peter Engel, the creator of SBTB: Jew.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Profile: Lewis Skolnick

For those of you who are wondering, yes, we're saying that Ogre (aka, Fred Palowakski) is Jewish.

And yes, Curt Schilling really is working on a Massively Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game (MMORPG or Mumorpurger!), as seen here. He also is a hardcore World of Warcraft player. We don't know what type of character he plays, but we're rooting for blood elf.

Monday, July 27, 2009

Profile: Michael J. Fox

Michael J is definitely one of those "we'll never profile this guy" profiles. And yet, here we are. Repeat after me: The queue is infinite. The queue is infinite. The queue is infinite......

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Profile: Sam Raimi

The timing of this profile seems pretty appropriate, since this week Raimi was named the director of a film to be based on "World of Warcraft". Any Jews in WoW? Hmmm...

Friday, July 24, 2009

Jews in the... HOLY CRAP!

Corruption in New Jersey? That's not exactly newsworthy. This though... this is (courtesty of Star Ledger, via

Orthodox rabbis, acting more like crime bosses than religious leaders, laundered millions through synagogues and yeshivas in Deal, one of the state's wealthiest towns. And a Realtor tried to sell an informant a black market kidney for $160,000.

It's a huge scandal that's taken down three mayors (Hoboken, Secaucus, Ridgefield) a state cabinet member, and dozens of other state officials, and in the center of it all? Money-laundering, politician bribing, organ selling Rabbis.

Shocking. All this time we could have been purchasing kosher kidneys for our own personal use? Just a terrible waste.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Profile: Evan Rachel Wood

As promised on this very blog, the profile is finally here. Wood was also suggested by reader Rob from Queens.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Profile: Alan Veingrad

We recently had a discussion of who is the most obscure profile on JONJ. We might have a new titleholder!

Veingrad was referred by multiple-time suggester Bruce from Los Angeles.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Big Ben, the gift that keeps on giving

What's this? Another bump in Ben Roethlisberger profile reads on JONJ? But it's not even football season...

Oh... Wow.

No, seriously, Not a Jew. We Jews don't invite women up to fix our TVs and then rape them... Allegedly.

Monday, July 20, 2009

Profile: Queen Beatrix

The big debate at JONJ headquarters is, does .006% make someone BARELY Jewish. At the end, we say yes, because that .006% is verified*. (You can use that website to trace all the way back to Diego Velazquez.)

*Unless, of course, one of those countesses or marquises had a child out of wedlock. Then it's pretty much moot.

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Profile: Noam Chomsky

Yes, Noam. There is no more anti-semitism. So when a Jew-hating psycho guns down a guard at the Holocaust museum, it's not anti-semitism. It's... WHAT THE HELL IS IT?

Chomsky was suggested by reader Alex from London.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Profile: Lorne Michaels

Other Saturday Night Jews include Gilda Radner, Adam Sandler, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Al Franken, Jon Lovitz, Andy Samberg, Rob Schneider, Chris Kattan, Billy Crystal.....

There are probably more but our fingers are starting to hurt from all this linking.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Update: Britney, not this again!

When we profiled her, it was because Britney was considering converting to Judaism because of her boyfriend, Isaac Cohen. A year and a half later, new boyfriend (Jason Trawick), same desire to convert?

"Britney wants to try the religion Jason was brought up with," a source told The Sun. She's even recruited a rabbi to help her understand the faith.

Maybe we should let it go. The girl clearly wants to be Jewish... Until the next boyfriend, that is.

Monday, July 13, 2009

Profile: Lisa Kudrow

According to her IMDB page, Kudrow was in 6 movies that came out or are due to come out in 2009. Wow. Talk about a doomed to fail full-hearted attempt to resurrected a career.

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Profile: Walter Blum

Of course, after profiling a horse, you have to profile a jockey...

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Profile: Zev

Recently, Yakov and I were in a profile rut... We just couldn't think of anyone interesting to write about. Sure, there are many many potential profiles, but nothing jumped out. So we just sat there, thinking that this might be the end of JONJ...

And then we profiled a horse.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Profile: Diego Velazquez

Velazquez was suggested by David from New York.

Now, there is going to be a follow-up to this profile in a couple of weeks or so, in which we will discover some VERY surprising Jews...

Monday, July 6, 2009

Profile: Elijah Wood

Elijah was suggested by Moishe from La Jolla and Ron from Tucson.

In "Back to the Future Part II", there is a scene where Marty McFly shows off how to play 80s video games to a couple of kids in 2015 (2015! We're almost there!) One of those kids is Elijah Wood, making his movie debut. Nice hat.

Sunday, July 5, 2009

JONJ Recommends: Whatever Works

I love Woody Allen. Some might say that his work has declined recently, but his recent string of films ("Scoop", "Match Point", "Cassandra's Dream", "Vicky Cristina Barcelona") have all been excellent. It looks like he has recovered from the lull earlier this decade.

I love Larry David. "Curb Your Enthusiasm" is the reason I subscribe to HBO. And I own the DVD of every season. And the wife rolls her eyes when I say "pretty pretty good" in the David voice.

So, I've been pretty excited about this movie ever I found out it was being made. (Usually, that leads to a letdown. The despicable "The Count of Monte Cristo" starring Jim Caviezel is the prime example.)

Not here. David is hilarious as a genius curmudgeon who makes a new friend in Evan Rachel Wood. (The JEWISH Evan Rachel Wood, who'll probably get her own JONJ profile sooner rather than later.) And Allen's writing is still pretty damn sharp. Critics might point out (spoiler alert!) the yet another May-December romance that is a constant presence in Allen's films (and life), but that's just Woody being Woody.

Woody Allen, Larry David, New York. It works.

JONJ Rating: 4½ / 5.

Friday, July 3, 2009

Oh, those meshuggenah goyim! Chia Obama

So I turned on the TV yesterday (not late at night, mind you, and to a network channel, and a New York network channel at that), and what did I see?

A commercial for THIS:

What better way to celebrate the president than by buying your own... Obama Chia Pet? Really? Can you grow one? Yes you can! Seriously? No, seriously?

Why "goyim"? Well, we're pretty sure no Jew would ever, ever, ever buy this... thing.

I wonder if there was one made for George W. Bush...

Oh, those meshuggenah goyim!

Thursday, July 2, 2009

Profile: Michael Jackson

So, when Jackson died, we thought of profiling him, but it seemed a tad out there. Jacko? Jewish? Never.

But then reader Barbara from Las Vegas let us know about Jackson's kids. So we did a blog post about that.

And then we ran into this interview. So it had to be done.

Welcome to JONJ, Jacko!

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

JONJ Recommends: Jewish, Lesbian Batwoman

Happy Comic Book Day everyone!

As promised in a previous post, we picked up the new Detective Comics (#854, cover shown above) featuring Batwoman last week and...y'know what? It's pretty darn good.

Rucka's writing is crisp and his treatment of the character is well-rounded. The token "check it out, she's a lesbian!" stuff is actually handled fairly deftly and like (*gasp*) a real relationship and not just something played for shock value or laughs. It's an enjoyable read and Rucka makes Batwoman feel like an interesting character.

But the art is where the book really shines. J.H. Williams draws quite the dramatic layout that uses the panels to convey action, not just carry it. Batwoman is striking,the settings are complex, and the whole thing never misses a beat.

Of course, I'm not a comics reviewer by trade, so if you're looking for more coherent criticism you can try here and here.

It's not perfect (our Jewish heroine has tattoos!?), but it's worth your time/money, even if you only have the slightest inclination.

JONJ Rating: 4 / 5.

Profile: Michael Cammalleri

What is is about Jewish hockey players who play for Calgary? First Ronnie Stern, and now this...

Update: well, not for long. Today (perfect day for a profile), Cammalleri signed with Montreal.

Cammalleri was suggested by Joshua from New York and Josh from Quebec.

Top 10 Profiles: June

1. Evgeni Malkin (0)
2. Adolf Hitler (0)
3. Daniel Craig (+20)
4. Mel Gibson (-1)
5. Kevin Costner (NEW)
6. Mahmoud Ahmadinejad (+9)
7. Sandra Bullock (+25)
8. Angelina Jolie (NEW)
9. Boris Becker (+12)
10. Sean Penn (-4)