Profile: Teller

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=1229

Penn: Not a Jew.

Suggestions from Juan from Texas and Ashley from Cambridge, MA.

Profile: Alvin Wong

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=1228

When I was going to college, I had a Philosophy professor swear that the secret to happiness was a BLT from D'Angelo's. Isn't college grand?

Of course, having read this, you might also wonder who the unhappiest person is. Apparently she's a divorced Native American making $1000/year living in West Virginia. Unsurprisingly, she's chosen to remain anonymous.

In any case Alvin was suggested to us by...his daughter! That's all kinds of awesome.

Profile: Gabe Kaplan

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=1227

Here's the video:

Thanks for Dave from NJ for the suggestion.

Jews in the News: 50 Hottest Jewish Women

Ahem. We pretty much have the whole list covered already, with a few exceptions (mostly the Israeli models). Still... ahem.

And we're quoted on the Amanda Bynes page...

Oh, those meshuggenah... Jedi?!

According to the most recent census in the Czech Republic, there are currently 15,000 (or so) Jedi living there. Yup, when entering their religion for the census, 15,000 Czechs answered with a fictional philosophy that isn't even really a religion. They might as well have put down Autobot or My Little Pony or "I am a huge tool wasting precious food and oxygen that could be used by actual, useful human beings.

Oh, and for the record, there are but 3000 Czechs who identify themselves as Jews. Y'know, a real religion. That's 1/5 of the people who listed fucktard, er, Jedi.

Oh those meshuggenah... Jedi?!

Profile: Mark Blum

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=1225

Yakov says that I've been waiting to write this profile my whole life... I say, no, only since 1986.

Profile: Christopher Hitchens

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=1226

We got a bunch of Hitchens suggestions before, but after he died... Well, it got to a point where this had to be written.

Suggestions from Paul from Chicago, Steve from California, Mat from Sweden, Richard from London, Juan from Texas, Jason from Vancouver, Slava from Baltimore, Bruce from LA, David from Baltimore, Mark from NY, Jason from Columbia, SC, Mitch from Lancaster, PA, Tim from Chicago, Jacob from Canada, Ron from Dallas, Sophie from Budapest, Josh from Arizona, David from Wroclaw, Andrea from Boston, and Jones from Canada.

So... yeah.

Yet another JONJ review

This one at the Crazy Jewish Convert blog.

Sometimes irreverent or random, it's often very thorough, and it'll give you the low down on all the pedigrees, conversions, and misinformation.

Thanks, Skylar!

Profile: Josh Groban

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=1224

Ho! Ho! Ho! Merry Xmas, goyim!

Suggestions from Valerie from Ontario, Sembler from Pennsylvania, Kevin from California, Nanetten from Largo, FL, Mila from Alexandria, Jack from LA, David from LA, Avi from Chicago, Pam from Florida, Lana from NY, Susan from California, Gord from Toronto, Shoshanah from LA, Don from LA, and Robin from New Jersey... Holy crap.

Profile: William James Sidis

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=1223

Sidis' IQ was said to be between 250 and 300...

Suggestions from Pablo from Venezuela and Yaniv from Israel.

Profile: Israel Hands

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=1222

Here's the real(?) Hands pictured on a stamp from the Cayman Islands...

JONJ review in French blog

Le Blog de Marcoroz has a review of our website... Here is the Google translation.

Personally, I find this site fun and free of any unhealthy aspect, unlike a software application of the same name was a scandal recently.

And here's the translation of our Emil Jellinek article.

Thanks, Marcoroz!

Profile: Kat Dennings

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=1220

Kat also played Bob Saget's daughter... not on Full House, but on the thankfully-short-lived Raising Dad.

Kat was suggested by Yuval from Israel, Don from LA, and Ian from Florida.

Profile: J. J. Abrams

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=1221

I've actually never seen an episode of "Lost". Or "Alias". But Yakov convinced me to see "Super 8", and I quite enjoyed it...

Abrams was suggested by Layla from London, Pablo from Venezuela, Esther from Canada, Jones from California, Eddie from the Netherlands, Cheryl from Passaic, NJ, and Mike from Mexico City.

Jews in the News: RIP Joe Simon

Joe Simon, the co-creator (along with fellow Jew Jack Kirby) of Captain America passed away yesterday at the age of 98. Simon, Jewish, is also credited with creating comics mainstays Captain Marvel, the (original) Sandman, and the Outsiders, amongst others.

He was, and continues to be, an inspiration to anyone who creates or enjoys comics and the many media that sprout from them. Though Simon is gone, his creations have proven everlasting.

We wish his loved ones and fans our deepest condolences on his passing.

Profile: Harold Ramis

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=1219

Ramis' most recent work was the execrable Year One, a movie I can't even spend time with when it's on cable. When it's free and you still can't watch? That's bad. On the other hand, he did direct some of the better episodes of The Office, back when that was still watchable. Sensing a trend here?

Don't worry, though, we'll totally retire the minute we become too self-involved to be good anymore. Totally.

Anyway, today's profile was suggested by Steve from the magical land of Tennessee and Jason from Allentown, PA.

Jews in the News: Wonder how many hit dice we get?

Thanks to the fine folks at Joystiq for this one. Obsidian Entertainment, a video game company that specializes in making above average sequels of other people's IPs (Knights of the Old Republic II, Neverwinter Nights 2, Fallout: New Vegas), is currently working on an RPG (that's Role Playing Game for all the n00bs) based on South Park. This is a big deal for them since it's not a sequel, but it is someone else's IP so it's also kinda par for the course?

Anyway, Obsidian has announced that along with the standard RPG professions of Paladin, Wizard, Rogue, and Adventurer, gamers will be able to adopt the class of Jew when the game releases sometime next year (it is a South Park game, so y'know, it's a joke and should be taken as such. The concept is a joke, that is, not the idea that there will be a Jew class in the game. That's totally happening).

No word on what advantages the Jew class will bestow, though no doubt something with money will be involved. Dammit.

In the meantime, those of you who just have to play as a Jewish character right-effing-now should download the excellent Pinball FX2 game for 360/PS3. Round 2 of the Marvel Comics themed tables dropped yesterday including one based on the Jewish (though yet to be profiled) Marc Spector, aka Moon Knight.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled, non-nerdy programming.

Profile: Dan Orlovsky

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=1218

No, he probably is not the worst quarterback even if Lions history. Anyone remember Andre Ware?

Orlovsky was suggested by Bob from Rockville, MD, Robert from Cherry Hill, NJ, Mike from New Jersey, and Randy from Los Angeles.

Profile: Louis C.K.

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=1217

I caved and watched the two seasons of "Louie". It's... often quite good, but I wouldn't exactly call it a comedy.

Suggestions by Moishe from La Jolla, Josh from Minnesota, Jacob from Toronto, Poktanju from Michigan, Itchy from NYC, and Josh from Santa Cruz, CA.

Profile: Orrin Hatch

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=1216

Yes, the Mormons sure love... the Jews. We know the logic behind it, but... it just doesn't sit right.

Suggestion by Gary from Sacramento.

Update: G-Dammed, stupid-ass, cheater ruins everything

Well, how's that for prescience, huh? Yeah, I'd rather have been wrong. Dammit.

For those vacationing under a rock this past weekend, the Hebrew Hammer, the baseball messiah, the great (half-)kosher hope of Jewish baseball fans everywhere, Ryan Braun, was suspended for a positive PED test over the weekend. He will miss 50 games of the upcoming season after an unnamed, banned substance was found in his system.

Braun is appealing the suspension, claiming mystical fairies spiked his blood. We will await the results of Braun's appeal to a higher power before updating his profile.

Profile: Viktor Barna

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=1215

This cigarette card of Barna is beyond awesome.

Thanks to Matt from Boston for the terrific suggestion.

Profile: Jack Benny

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=1211

Benny was suggested by... a lot of people: Howard from DC, Doug from Sacramento, Frank from Tennessee, Ira from Rockland County, Rich from Bellevue, WA, Dave from Upsate New York, Jeff from New York, Melora from Idaho, Ed from Bellmore, NY, Etaoin from Canada, Bartir from California, Daniel from North Carolina, and Mark from Brookline, MA.

Profile: Diane Arbus

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=1212

In all seriousness, I'm actually a fan of photography. I just thought it was a funny way of going about a profile so, well, there ya go.

Arbus was suggested by Fred from France. Fantastic find Fred!

Profile: Maurice Rose

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=1213

We didn't originally plan to run this on December 7th, but when it came up in the queue, it just made sense.

Not to be confused with race car driver Mauri Rose...

Rose was suggested by Ed from Olds Mar, FL, Scott from Bemidji, MN, Jerry from Virginia, and Steven from Slingerlands, NY.

Profile: Bernie Fine

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=1214

For the record, Zev wanted to stay away from this whole scandal as much as humanly possible, but Fine forced us into saying something (yeah, we know, not the first time. Anyway....).

So rather than spend a whole lot of time, we've crammed it all here. Feh. Let's just move on and hope this is the last of the revelations. However, I do have one last question for the faithful:

Can anyone explain to me the difference between what Joe Paterno did and what Jim Boeheim didn't do? Because I'm not sure why Paterno has been demonized (fired, legacy destroyed, name removed from the Big Ten trophy) and Boeheim has been left to move on with his life. I've yet to see that adequately explained.

In any case, Fine was suggested by Don from LA (who actually wrote us a nice poem about it), Bruce from Cambridge (who is probably our all time leader in suggestions), along with Ian from NY and Mark from Indiana (who seem like nice people, what with the suggesting and all, but who we have nothing interesting to say about). Thanks for the suggestion, guys!

Profile: Allan Roth

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=1210

Roth popped up thanks to a fairly well-done documentary on the MLB Network as part of their Behind the Seams series. It's not a perfect recounting of the stats revolution in baseball (it skips the excellent work done by Baseball Prospectus, for example), but overall if you're looking for an introductory course on the history of so-called sabremetrics, you could do worse.

And probably have, considering how mainstream sports media usually treats this stuff, honestly.

Profile: Dwight Stones

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=1209

Stones was suggested by SJ from Huntington Beach, but also by Lynda from California... We couldn't say no to you, Lynda!

I'll always remember Stones fondly from The Dream League, an ESPN game show he hosted in the mid-90s...

Profile: Harold von Braunhut

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=1208

Sea Monkeys... Not as innocent as they seem!

Top 10 Profiles: November

1. Julian Edelman (+340)
2. Ben Affleck (+1)
3. Jesus Christ (+1)
4. Mel Gibson (+1)
5. Adolf Hitler (+2)
6. Scarlett Johansson (+4)
7. Steve Jobs (-6)
8. Mahmoud Ahmadinejad (+4)
9. Bono (NEW)
10. Robert De Niro (+9)

Profile: Matthias Sindelar

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=1207

Thanks, commenter. Not a Jew. Details here.

Sindelar's goal against France in the 1934 World Cup means at least two Jews have scored at the world's biggest stage: Sindelar and Mordechai Spiegler.

Thanks to Patrick from Cork City for the suggestion.

Profile: Hank Azaria

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=1205

The latest victim of Azaria's abilities was the American re-make of the British comedy, Free Agents, which last a whole four episodes on NBC. Yikes. Still, we can't help but like Hank for his Simpsons stuff, and well, maybe one of these days we'll get suckered into something good for a change...

Azaria was suggested by Harvey from Shaftsbury, VT, Devi from Winter Park, FL, Bruce from LA, Arthur from NYC, Simon from UK, Blair from Chicago, Ben from Spain, Daniel from New York, and Kristine from Florida.

Settling the Score: Nancy Lieberman

Nancy Lieberman just might be the greatest women's basketball player ever. She was born Jewish, and considers herself so, here's from a 2010 interview:

I am 100% Jewish. My father’s parents were deeply religious, we had two sets of silverware when we went and ate over there. My mother’s side observed the major holidays. It was more relaxed. I went to Hebrew School as well. [...] I consider myself a progressive Jew.

However, strange for someone so accomplished, she is missing from both the National Jewish Sports Hall of Fame and the International Jewish Sports Hall of Fame. And she was definitely inducted to the latter. So if one is to believe that she became a born-again Christian (maybe that's her definition of "Progressive Jew"), that would add up.

However, she does consider herself Jewish... Borderline Jew it is.

Profile: Cristie Kerr

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=1206

The web is notoriously murky on Kerr's potential Jewishness, so thanks to reader Steve from Florida for clearing it up!

Profile: Rachel Dratch

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=1204

Poor Rachel, forever lost behind Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, and Ana Gasteyer. At least, her lovers with Will Ferrell never failed to crack me up. Debbie Downer, on the other hand...

Rachel was suggested by D. from Philadelphia.

Profile: Walter Matthau

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=1203

Matthau has been in our queue for seemingly years, but he deserves his due.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

Suggestions from Pat from New York, Brendan from New York, Silvio from San Marino(!), Michael from Canada, and Joshua from Texas.

Profile: Professor Layton

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=1202

So, confession time: I have not played any of the Professor Layton games. Yes, I know, they're supposed to be very good and all... I just, with a limited budget and limited time, one must pick and choose which games one plays. And the idea of a whimsical puzzle solving game in which it turns out that (spoiler alert!) everyone in town is a robot, just doesn't appeal as much as, say, being Batman.

So there ya go.

Anyway, our dear Professor was suggested by Freezair from Idaho, who did an excellent job of explaining his reasoning. Thanks Freezair!

Update: Ryan Braun, MVP

Ryan Braun, Jew, National League MVP.

Profile: Audrey Hepburn

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=1201

Audrey's ancestry is here; there are a lot of baptisms, so the possibility of a Jew slipping in is not too likely... But you never know.

Suggestions from Rick from California, Bob from Tucson, Amanda from Texas, and Lyndsey from Florida.

Profile: Maimonides

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=1200

1200 profiles! And yes, another perfect score...

Suggestions from Cole from Berkeley and Carlos from New York.

Profile: Bono

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=1198

Sorry, Jewish U2 fans, just because someone thinks they might have Jewish roots, doesn't make them so...

Thanks to Alex from Houston and Ze'ev from Jerusalem for tipping us off.

Profile: Ralph Baer

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=1199

Speaking of Duck Hunt, did you know you can play as THE DUCK? Yes!

Settling the Score: Jake LaMotta

There has been a lot of back-and-forth on the possible Jewish mother of boxer Jake LaMotta. There is some hearsay on the web that she is Jewish. And then LaMotta and his own son contradict her Italian origins: one claims she is from Trieste, the other that she is from Sicily.

We're not sure if the following clears it up, but apparently LaMotta himself claimed -- to TotallyJewish.com! -- that she was Jewish. So, until further notice, he is at Borderline Jew.

Nicknamed "The Bronx Bull", and portrayed in Robert De Niro's 1980 film "Raging Bull", Boxing legend Jake LaMotta not only had a Jewish mother, but as he revealed to TJ, has also married four different Jewish women.

Profile: Arne Jacobsen

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=1197

The chair:

Jacobsen was suggested by Boris from Germany and Ben from, where else, Denmark.

Profile: Max Scherzer

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=1196

We got a lot of requests to profile Scherzer when he was pitching for the Tigers in the playoffs. Now... not so much.

Suggestions from Roger from California, Benn from Detroit, Stephen from Montreal, Jon from Nashville, Putty from Florida, Rick from Detroit, David from St. Paul, Leboro from California, Beitler from New York, Steve from Detroit, and Matt from Cherry Hill, NJ.

Profile: Toucan Sam

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=1195

In my one and only time in Jewish summer camp, about two decades ago, Froot Loops was the breakfast cereal everyone was fighting over. And why were we fighting over breakfast cereal? And why did my parents send me to Jewish summer camp? If only the answers were simple...

Profile: Bud Selig

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=1194

We sort of dealt with Selig as part of the David Stern profile waaaaay back in 2008. But much like everyone needed a nation post-WWI, nowadays everyone needs their own individual profile.

Plus we're more than happy to take the opportunity to pick on MLB's beleaguered, befuddled commish.

Suggestions by Tim from East Dundee, IL, Loren from Las Vegas, Mike from NYC, Bryce from NYC, and B from Philadelphia.

Profile: Dorothy Parker

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=1193

Yes, that's really what happened to Ms. Parker's ashes. If you read the story linked, you'll see it all turned out ok in the end. Still makes for one weird afterlife...