Profile: Giselle Fernandez

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=780

Dear readers! Some of you complain when it takes too long to write a profile based on your suggestion. We're sorry. We try to do our best. In this case, Allen from NYC asked for us to profile Miss Fernandez 9 months ago. Since she seemed like an interesting case, she immediately went into our queue. And sat there. And sat there. For these 9 months.

Of course, 9 months is nowhere close to the record. We try, dear readers. We try.

Update: Oh, Larry!

What's wrong with this picture? Well, other than the obvious.

Larry King is divorcing his eighth(!) wife Shawn Southwick amid rumors that the CNN personality had an affair with Shannon Engemann, her own sister.^[1]

Oh, Larry!

Profile: Jean-Claude Van Damme

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=779

After a one day hiatus, I return from the wilds of....somewhere for one last profile during my Jewcation. For all of you who wrote in to suggest Latvia, sorry, you're incorrect.

If you read this profile and wondered why all those 80s badasses didn't get together and make one big action flick together, apparently Sylvester Stallone was wondering the same thing.

Anyway, the lines at the beginning and end of this profile don't come from me. Rather they're from the old promos that WPIX here in NYC used to run for Van Damme's films. Yes, someone actually used these and didn't intend for them to be humorous. Scary. ("Damme, that's a good movie!" is another chestnut from that era.)

Jean-Claude Van Damme was suggested by Noah on Long Island, no doubt while he was stuck in traffic on the LIE.

Profile: Patti Stanger

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=778

We take a brief interruption from Yakov's Jewcation to bring you a Moishe profile. Is this where I admit I watch "Millionaire Matchmaker"? Never!

Yes, the Yiddish word for "matchmaker" is shadchan, not yenta, like many think...

Profile: Josh Baskin

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=777

Greetings from Day 2 of my Jewcation. Yes, I'm still out having fun in the sun (or am I?) while you're stuck at work reading about Jews. I won't lie to you, I am a little jealous (but only a little).

Today's profile Josh Baskin, was requested by...actually we're pretty sure Moishe suggested it. Go Moishe!

On the other hand, Tom Hanks is one of our most suggested profile subjects with at least 6 suggestions (including one from someone's rabbi!). Steve from NYC however, did mention the Josh Baskin character as evidence of Hanks' potential Judaism, so we'll give him partial credit.

We'll probably end up profiling Hanks at some point, but just so know (Spoiler Alert!) he's not Jewish.

Profile: Clara Peller

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=776

I'm actually on Jewcation this week, so of course this is when all my profiles are running. Oh well. I'll just have to post these from beyond the Internet. If anyone wants to play "Guess Where Yakov Is" I'll be happy to participate.

Anyway, on with the show. Clara Peller was suggested by Jim from Tampa, FL who describes Ms. Peller as an "advertising icon." Yeah, cause this is what I want my industry to be known for....

Profile: Edward Teller

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=775

At the end, kinda surprising that I went with Teller for this profile and not with, say, Tom Cruise. Giving myself a pat on the back on this one.

Teller was suggested by Sam from Atlanta and Sergei from Jersey City. Cruise? Don't get me started...

Profile: Dean Kamen

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=774

Kamen's other inventions include the all-terrain electric wheelchair mentioned in the profile, the insulin pump, and a kind of mobile dialysis machine. So, yeah, we're not talking about an idiot here. And while the Segway was clearly a misstep (we refrain from using the word 'boner' in honor of Andrey Koenig), it's not Kamen's fault that the damn thing got hyped to hell before it launched.

Still. What a stupid, stupid device.

Kamen was suggested by George from Maryland.

Profile: Frank Gehry

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=773

Thanks to Heloisa from Brazil for suggesting Gehry. And here it is, the Dancing House:

Profile: Tracey Gold

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=772

Thanks to reader Jenny from NY for confirming our suspicions: Tracey had a Jewish stepfather, non-Jewish mother, so calling her a Jew is a stretch. Giving your own son a middle name of Christopher pretty much settles it...

Update: Scheyer leads Duke to title

Originally, when the Jon Scheyer profiled appeared on our site two weeks ago, it started with the words "Jon Scheyer might never lead Duke to the NCAA Championship". Well, that just changed. Scheyer scored 15 points, picked up 6 rebounds and dished out 5 assists in the title game.

Profile: Rich Eisen

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=771

Why is this post different from all other posts?

On baseball's opening day, we always run baseball posts. But this year we're running a football post (suggested by Ira from Teaneck, NJ).

On April Fools' Day, we always run a special April Fools' profile. But this year we ran none.

On the day a profile runs, we always run a blog post that has been written weeks in advance. But today we're running one that I wrote at 10:16pm the day before.

We can answer for all of this with 3 simple words: Drunk on Manischewitz. Things should get back to normal around here once we sober up....

Profile: Morgan Pressel

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=770

Morgan's uncle is two-time tennis Grand Slam semifinalist Aaron Krickstein.

Thanks to Dannel from Florida for the suggestion.

Profile: Donald Sterling

http://www.jewornotjew.com/profile.jsp?ID=768

Am I really this mad at Donald Sterling--a man who doesn't even own a team I root for? Probably not. I just knew I was going to write a profile of someone we categorically do not like and wanted to try something different than the usual snarky sniping we employ. So I tried a rant. Honestly, I'm pretty happy with how it turned out.

That said, there are professional sports teams owners that I AM this mad at. So to all you selfish, money-grubbing, criminal, professional sports teams owners out there: this one's for you.

Top 10 Profiles: March

1. Sandra Bullock (0)
2. Christoph Waltz (+28)
3. Meryl Streep (+21)
4. Adolf Hitler (-1)
5. Scarlett Johansson (+9)
6. Sean Penn (+2)
7. Mel Gibson (-5)
8. Kevin Bacon (+3)
9. Joseph Stalin (-3)
10. Jesus Christ (-5)